Sunday Feb 22nd Daybook

Returning to my Sunday Daybook format this week!

Outside: Dark, cold, icy.

Kitchen: It's pretty clean but it helps when I haven't cooked it in since Wednesday. That will change later today with brunch and dinner.

Tasks: Packing Jonnie's bag to stay with his friend Ryan Monday into Tuesday. Cleaning the house before my father-in-law gets here on Friday. Baking a cake for the fish fry.

Nose Inserted: I have fleetingly read parts of "Streetwise Spirituality" and "The Culprit & The Cure". I'll probably take one or both of these with me to Cleveland to read while waiting. I've read the "Daily Bible" from Guideposts but I'm slightly behind since I missed reading on Thursday. My focus this week has been on the "AA Big Book". I've read the foreward and two chapters and have been working on study questions from a study guide I found online. It's been very challenging. I did have to search and find a copy of the foreward from another edition of the book to complete some of the questions in the study guide.

Folded Hands, Head Bowed: For the Connery family who have an ill grandmother that might not make it through the weekend. For my co-worker Dana who lost her father last week. For my parents who will take Jonnie on Tuesday if the Connery's cannot. In Thanksgiving for the strength and courage God gave me last week to get through two social events with alcohol available where I did well and stayed with coffee and diet soda.

In my Ears: I downloaded a bunch of podcasts last week but have not yet listened to them. I downloaded some stories from AA that I can listen to on my shuffle. I downloaded some video podcasts for professional development that I have to watch on the computer.

Around the House: Amazingly quiet for the moment!

Rest of the Week: It's going to be busy! Monday is Adoration which is my personal hour with Jesus! Wednesday is going to be jam-packed after work getting ashes, getting Jonnie to PSR, and getting a cake baked. Jon has fish fry set up on Thursday where he delivers my cake and the "bank". I need to get the house fit to be seen before Jon's Dad gets here for the first fish fry on Friday. I need to get the to grocery store at some point. We have my follow-up in Cleveland with pain management, I am meeting my friend Pat on Thursday morning before my OSU health screening, and I need to drop off my ratty old orthotics in Dublin to be send away for refurb.

School In-service Daybook

It's Monday and I have the day off since my son's school is closed for in-service. I'm up early because my hubby still had to go to work so I heard his alarm about 4 times as he kept hitting the snooze.

Outside: There is an owl out there somewhere. I heard it between Jon's alarm. I can't see it, unfortunately. I heard birds chirping although it's dark.

Kitchen: Hot pot of coffee and a few dirty dishes. Candle burning to combat the litter box present left by Midnight.

Tasks: General around the house clean up. Take a shower. Wait for Best Buy to deliver replacement TV #2 (bought original in 2005, that one replaced in 2006, replacement now being replaced) later this afternoon. I also need to work on Jon's University Staff Advisory Committee Application. Put the rope "crust" on the pizzas for Jonnie's school project to celebrate 100 days of school this week. I'll have to take some pictures and post them.

Nose Inserted: I've continued to read the "Daily Bible" from Guideposts and I sneaked in a few pages of the traditional Bible last week. I have also read "Sola Scriptura", "Streetwise Spirituality", "The Culprit & the Cure", plus "Steps by the Big Book".

Folded Hands, Head Bowed: For my husband who stood by me last week when I was an absolute witch. For his helping me realize my dependency on alcohol and for supporting me in getting help. For both he and Jonnie for making the weekend very special despite my being sick & in bed for part of it.

In my Ears: My iPod is unplugged because I was using the USB extension cord for other USB devices. I eventually plan to use my new headset & microphone combo to participate in some interactive on-line AA meetings.

Around the House: Midnight is asleep in my office chair so I had to bring Jon's chair to my desk. Tiger was in the kitchen and Jonnie is still in bed.

Rest of the Week: Adoration tonight, PSR on Wednesday, Assembly family dinner on Thursday at Longhorn, grocery shopping on Friday, FOD luncheon on Saturday & volunteer dinner for St. Joe's on Saturday night. I hope to meet my friend Pat for coffee on Thursday morning and Jon's trying to get in for his physical therapy evaluation this week. Guess I'd better tie on my Livestrong sneakers and hit the ground running for a busy week!

Pictures from my Birthday:

I was wearing the new turtleneck & vest the guys got me. I later had to change into a polar fleece because I was freezing!

What a ham! Jonnie was looking like Shaggy from "Scooby Doo" before his hair cut. He wanted to keep looking like Shaggy but Daddy did not agree.

Birthday Reflections - Past & Present

Instead of a daybook like I mentioned last Sunday, I have been reflecting a lot on birthdays past & present. I wanted to share this with my family and friends.

As a young lass, I remember a year where I wanted a birthday cake with blue icing because blue is my favorite color. Mom made me a 2-layer devil's food cake with the blue icing. She bought some pink & white candy letters at the store to spell out "Happy Birthday Jodi" on it. When we took off the cake topper to cut the cake when my paternal grandparents and my maternal aunt & uncle where there, the letters had turned a lilac color. It was a little eerie to look at but chocolate always tastes great.

That was my most vivid childhood memory. As I became an adult, I have more memories but they aren't as fond as blue iced cakes.

February 15, 2000 - Jon worked for Healthsouth in a shirt & tie job and he had flown out to Texas on Sunday. I got home from work and was eating a chicken patty sandwich when my Mom called with birthday wishes. I knew my Dad went to see his Dad who was in a nursing home every Monday & Wednesday. I asked how Grandpa was and my Mom was silent before she started to stammer. I interrupted her and said "He died, didn't he?". She confirmed it and said she was going to tell me the next day so as not to ruin my birthday. We finished our conversation and I immediately called Jon who was sitting at a Ruth Chris with his co-workers (generous per diem). I forget the exact time lines other than Jon's flight was very late getting in and we drove to Mansfield for the calling hours later than planned. Nine years later and I always think of Grandpa Woodruff.

February 15, 2003 - I turned 30 and was pregnant with our first and only child. We had a huge snow storm. Jon had been out the night before and told me to stay home from work because the roads were bad. We had more snow while he was at work so I went out trying to clear the driveway. Our neighbor Jo saw me and ordered me back inside short of carrying me in the door. I see her boys with snow shovels shoveling the main driveway and sidewalks and a guy shows up with an ATV with a snowplow to clean out the bottom of the driveway. I was overcome by the generosity as no one would take money from the fat pregnant lady. I remember Jon getting home and the first thing he asked was "you didn't clear the driveway, did you?".

February 15, 2005 - I was diagnosed with depression on my 32nd birthday and have been on medication ever since. I was in a funk that became unbearable to those around me so I sought the help from my doctor. I had a brief period where we cut my meds in half in the hope of working off them but we went back to the original 20 mg dosage.

February 15, 2009 - After 7 months of being in pain, doctors found an issue with my intercostal nerve and did a trigger point injection procedure and put me on meds back on January 26th. I should have been doing cartwheels in joy but I was very rude toward my husband. A few days ago, I ripped him apart verbally about stuff that was plain stupid. We finally had a calmer conversation later and it came out that I was struggling without alcohol. We have some social engagements coming up and I told him I was scared to go because "I wouldn't be fun to hang out with". Jon flat out told me that if I think I need to drink wine or beer to be social that I need to get help because I'm an alcoholic. No, not me! WRONG! I ventured over to the Alcoholics Anonymous web site and read their online women's pamphlet. I could relate to items on a list they had of signs that you're an alcoholic. I read stories about women who felt they were not witty or sexy if they didn't drink. I read about a woman who was so stressed about her daughter's birthday party that she was drunk when people began arriving for the party. That could have been me on my son's 4th birthday if there had been alcohol around because I had to pack up a party and hold it at my father-in-law's house. I was very stressed out and unhappy about the whole situation and drank plenty prior to leaving! I thought about Jon's Christmas present of buying me a case of my favorite wine from the Anderson's with a few other wines mixed in. It was the 2nd week of December and all of the wine was gone shortly after Christmas. Except for 2 bottles that I shared with my father-in-law, I drank all of the other bottles myself. I was averaging a bottle of wine a day. Then I thought of my Aunt Helen who died of cirrhosis. She would show up at family reunions with an open bottle of Jack Daniels. Despite her diagnosis she continued to drink until she died. I have to wonder if there was a bottle of "jack" in her casket. I was starting to turn into Aunt Helen. I only stopped drinking because of my pain medications. Now I've decided that I want to be sober not just because of medications but so I can clearly live my life rather than being drunk all of the time. After all, when you were drunk so much that your 5 year old son starts to recall having to pull off the side of the road so you could barf or times he saw you with your head in the toilet, it's time to put the wine glass down. I have joined an AA Beginners group hosted on Yahoo. I have downloaded a step by step guide to using the AA "Big Book". I ordered a 3 book set of AA books from Amazon on Friday night after Adoration. Jon & Jonnie bought me a set of headphones with a microphone for when I start participating in on-line AA meetings after I get my books. The nearest meetings to Plain City are in Newark and Mt. Vernon so I sought the on-line option. I feel good about my decision. In fact, I walked tall and proudly right by the wine area at Kroger yesterday when I had to go over to the pharmacy area to get cold & sinus medication. If I find that friends do not like being around me because I'm not drinking alcohol, perhaps they were never really my friends.

It might be hard to believe but I've been writing for over 45 minutes. I did make a brief stop to go and get my breakfast but most of the time has been writing. I can't tell you how good I feel to share these reflections with all of you. I feel uplifted and lighter than air right now. I don't think my 7 pound weight loss constitutes being lighter than air. :-)

Blessings for a wonderful week!

Birthday Bah Humbug

I have a really lousy attitude toward my birthday this year. There are a few things that came up today that really upset me:

1. A cold but I appear to have gotten one. Maybe it will be gone by Sunday.

2. An argument over what to do on my birthday. I had suggested something to Jon and he mentioned the Daytona 500 on Sunday. I thought that meant he did not want to do anything so I made plans to get my hair trimmed and to get my free cup of coffee from Caribou. Let's just say we're still an impass about Sunday although I really do need a hair cut!

3. To take my husband out to dinner next week for my birthday. The 4th degree Knights social is next Thursday and Jon wanted to go. With both of my guys salivating over the check I got from Mom & Dad, I would be the village idiot to show up at dinner with them next week!

4. To be up at dawn to get ready for Mass. Alas, Jon objected to Saturday night mass so I will be up at 6 AM on Sunday.

It appears that I am becoming grumpier and cynical as I get older. Having survived 7 months of being in pain and currently having pain relief, I should feel fortunate to have made it this far. Perhaps I have already been given the best gift of all (even better than money) and that is a diagnosis with pain relief. Maybe it really doesn't matter that my husband's choice in birthday gifts stinks, that Jon doesn't take me out to dinner, or that I'll be spending Sunday afternoon in a frigid basement drinking water while watching the Daytona 500 while pushing my overgrown bangs out of my eyes. What I should be grateful for is that I am here for my 36th birthday even if the gifts are lousy, that to eat at a restaurant that I have to pay for dinner, and that have to take some vacation at a later point so I can get my hair cut.

Sunday Feb 8th Daybook

I find that Sunday morning is my most ample time to write since I get up early for church. I woke up 45 minutes early this morning since I fell asleep WAY EARLY last night listening to the NASCAR Budweiser shoot out on the radio.

Outside: Very dark - I can faintly see part of the trellis and the dormant rose of Sharon bush.

Kitchen: Quite messy. I need to unload the dishwasher so the new dirties can go in. Now that we eat at home much more frequently, the dishes pile up much faster.

Tasks: I'm eager to revamp my front flower bed. While lying in bed before I told myself "just get up already", I had tons of ideas flying through my head not just for the front flower bed but the side beds and the back wooded area.

Nose Inserted: Since I'm eager to revamp flower beds, I'm going to open up "Instant Gardens - High Impact Makeovers that Look Great Right Now" from Miracle Gro. It was a clearance book found while in Cleveland. I also continued to read the "Daily Bible" from Guideposts, the Holy Bible, "Streetwise Spirituality", and "Sola Scriptura". I started a new book last week for the research study I'm in at OSU called "The Culprit and The Cure".

Folded Hands, Head Bowed: For the Hess Family who lost Lisa's mother suddenly. For Dixie who could not have her knee surgery due to her sugar levels. For Paula who asks for patience. For the Tracy Family who are struggling with their son's cancer which may require Hospice care. For MAZ who is supporting her husband with his health issues.

Around the House: Quiet except for the giant color printer that is humming here in the office.

Rest of the Week: I found that my pain medications are drying out my skin so I need to be vigilant about using lotion. My face which is normally oily is appearing more normal. My nose dried out and would bleed slightly so I'm using saline to moisturize which is helping. My legs became so dry that they were red so I soaked in an Aveeno oatmeal bath last night. The redness is now gone but I need to use lotion on more than just my hands to prevent the skin from getting so dry that it cracks.

That's all for today. If I don't write another daybook this week stay tuned for my special "Birthday Edition" daybook next Sunday, February 15th!

Monday Feb 2nd Daybook

For your reading pleasure!

Kitchen: A little dirty from cooking wings & cheese sticks for Jon to eat while watching the Super Bowl after he got home from the wake.

Nose Inserted: I have Adoration tonight and I always take "Sola Scriptura" with me. I'll read my "Daily Bible" before going to bed. Who knows what documents work will bring!

On the Menu: A bacon, egg & cheese Lean pocket, 1/2 ounce blanched slivered almonds, and coffee with milk for breakfast. Lunch is a ham sandwich with 2% Swiss & Dijon with 3 ounces of light yogurt and an apple. Afternoon snack is a granola bar. Dinner will be beef teriyaki with noodles. I'll see if I eat my evening snack or not after Adoration.

Prayers: For the Nolan Family who will bury Bob today. For Brittany who is discouraged. For Paula who is not feeling well.

Ears: I am hearing our giant printer and the furnace. Will likely hear whining and possibly snoring as we get in the car to get everyone to their destinations of school and work.

Rest of the Week: No PSR on Wednesday so that means I can cook a meal and we can actually chew & digest our food! Jon has a meeting so he'll have to head out around 7 but Jonnie and I get to stay home. We'll probably be watching the Boomerang channel. Jenkies and Zoiks!

Sunday Feb 1st Daybook

My second attempt at a Daybook although I'm altering things slightly compared to what my friend Sarah does in her daybook's. I don't want to be a copycat, right?

Outside: Dark - I can vaguely see a piece of the trellis outside the office window.

Kitchen: The upstairs one is currently clean but after breakfast and lunch, it won't stay that way. Jon was trying to clean his basement kitchen yesterday although you can't see the top of the island between the "moon sand" and the shot gun rest.

Planned Tasks: I am going to take the beer out of the frig in Jon's kitchen and lock it up in his ammo closet. If I can find a padlock for the zippers on the cooler, I'll use that, too. I'll reload the frig with diet coke and make sure there are pitchers of water. It has been one week since I last had alcohol (wine) and I need to keep it that way given that I'm on 3 meds now that say not to drink it.

Nose Inserted: I'm continuing to read "Sola Scriptura" and "Streetwise Spirituality" along with my "Daily Bible". I did not have a chance to read any scripture from the traditional Bible last week. I also caught up on newspaper reading yesterday - "The Madison Press" and "The Catholic Times". I flipped through some "Handyman" magazines before Jon recycled them looking for projects but I don't need a $4K toilet with a blood pressure cuff or a 252 nozzle shower head although it was pretty cool looking.

Folded Hands, Head Bowed: For Tony & Elaine who watched Jon III for us while we went to Cleveland in January. For the Nolan Family who lost Bob this week; calling hours are tonight with Jon leading the Honor Guard. For Dixie who is under the weather and is going in for surgery on Wednesday. For my husband who endured hours of waiting at the Cleveland Clinic as well as hours of driving along with my grouchiness while fasting.

In my Ears: I hear the hum of the furnace which came on at 6 AM. Our oldest cat Midnight was howling in the front room for whatever reason. Before the furnace came on, I could hear my husband snoring. When I walked past my son's room, I stopped briefly to listen to him sleeping.

Around the House: Two loads of laundry washed and put away yesterday. The floor in my kitchen should have been swept & mopped yesterday but it did not get done. Jon's piles of papers in the TV room are diminishing as he finishing filing and/or shredding. Menu for the week posted on the frig.

Rest of the Week: Preparing for a full week of work; my first in a long time! I do have to call and schedule my 2 hour glucose test and I'd like to get that done this week early some morning since it requires fasting. I have a seminar on main campus Tuesday at noon for the Lifestyle Intervention research study that I've been in. I missed last week's seminar since I was off after my procedure. I have Adoration on Monday, Jon has K of C 4th degree on Wednesday plus Jonnie has PSR. Friday night will be when I have to increase my Lyrica to 3 pills or 150 mg.

Random Thought: I don't understand how anyone can willing be addicted to a substance that requires the use of needles or syringes. I've had so much blood work during the past 7 months that I'm far more comfortable with it than I ever have been but I still don't find being a human pin cushion enjoyable. I can look at both arms and see spots where I've had blood work, IVs. My right arm is slight sore where I had my blood draw on Friday since my blood was not in a giving mood.