Updates

It's been a very long time since I last wrote.

The past week was not too bad. We took the rental car back so we're a one car family until mid-November. We saw the doctor and I'm having another round of MRIs on the 1st to look closer at my internal organs. The doctor thinks perhaps there is something going on with my spleen.

There was the post church directory picture horror, although the "extras" turned out great so we ended up buying some this year. Extra attention is being paid to using the appropriate creams and potions to tame the mop on my head and to help send wrinkles and bad skin packing!

We had a fun Saturday night with a group of guys coming over for a football party. The Knights did not get any new members but we still had a good time. Everyone seemed to enjoy our homemade foccacia pizza, beer bread, and chili rounded out by cheese, pretzels, and chip. Of course, there was beer with plenty of recycling to go out this week.

Sunday brought church and Jon's monster sandwiches with bacon, tomato, cheese, egg, and mayo. Don't tell the nutritionist about that! Later there was NASCAR with party leftovers.

Monday meant going back to work. I also signed up and was accepted for a lifestyle intervention study by a researcher at OSU. The hope is that the 12 week study with various tests might help find a cause for my pain plus the $350 I get at the end also helps!

Today, I need to finish getting ready for work. I am going to lunch with a group of ladies as we say good bye to a great friend and co-worker. Her last day is Friday. The partner organization we share a building with is letting three people go and the are done as of this Friday.

I bid everyone so long as I run off to pile on some make up before dressing the boy and getting on the "life flashing before my eyes express" which is another way of saying that my husband is driving!

Time of security is over; punishment underway

Quoting Job 36:16-21 from "The Holy Bible, Today's English Version" by the American Bible Society, 1992.
God brought you out of trouble, and let you enjoy security; your table was piled high with food. But now you are being punished as you deserve. Be careful not to let bribes deceive you, or riches lead you astray. It will do you no good to cry out for help; all your strength can't help you now. Don't wish for night to come, the time when nations will perish. Be careful not to turn to evil; your suffering was sent to keep you from it.

I turned to the Bible tonight and sought the index at the back that a break down of topics and I went to the topic of "frustration". Several chapters of Job were listed and I read them but the above verses called out to me.

I've written previously about how I've been sick and/or in pain since July and I've also mentioned that my husband has had to have some tests. We've been fortunate to find out that my husband's situation is not serious and the only requirement is a follow-up early next year. There are still no leads in resolving my pain and swelling. I'd had very little swelling until this weekend when my left side plumped up again. To add insult to injury, a deer jumped out in front of my husband on Saturday morning and significantly damaged his van. It's sitting at a local dealer waiting for an adjuster to assess it. There is both external and internal damage to the vehicle.

I reflect on the verses from Job 36 and think about how up to this point, we have been pretty lucky in our lives. Until now, illnesses amongst my husband, son, and I have been fairly minor. It appears that the time for our punishment has arrived as the quoted passage says. I did put a cry out for help but my husband is not pleased with the end result. He asked me to call my parents to borrow one of their cars. My parents would not let Jon borrow a car but will be sending a check to help cover the cost of a rental car for Tuesday through Monday so that Jon can attend a meeting on Wednesday, so that I can go to the doctor on Friday, and so that Jon can go on his hunting trip this weekend. It's unfortunate that no one trusts Jon to borrow a car but he should respect that an alternative is being offered.

We were able to enjoy our security up until July. Since July, our security has been challenged. Our relationship as a family has been challenged. We have persevered but it has not always been pretty. Tempers have flared and tears have been shed. "Date nights" are a thing of the past and have been replaced by sitting together in doctors offices and hospitals.

I try to think about what I did to offend God. Aside from meal time prayer, I try to pray quietly at least once a day, emphasis on try. I've used the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Rosary prior to tests to help calm my nerves. I have had to get a sub for Adoration a couple of times but I've been there far more than I've had a sub. I don't miss mass although my husband missed mass when he in Pennsylvania. If he'd taken the hour to go to mass instead of getting on the road sooner, could his wreck this past weekend been prevented? Was the wreck a sign that Jon should spend time at home instead of shooting all of the time?

I have far more questions that I do answers. I am hoping to determine what I need to do to help turn our lives around.

My Knight in Shorts & a Shootin' Vest

My friend Sarah writes frequently about her husband Bob and often refers to him as her "Prince Charming". I stopped to think about the best endearing way to describe my husband and I have decided upon "My Knight in Shorts and a Shootin' Vest". Aside from picking up on his hobbies, the Knights of Columbus and shooting, I feel he has truly been a Knight especially while I've been sick.

Jon doesn't have a suit of armor or a ride a white horse; instead he wears shorts and a shooting vest while driving a mini-van. My Knight has fought for my rights when I've given up. He helped me finally be seen by someone at the ER back in July when my whole medical situation started. He called my doctor and told her about my change in symptoms when I refused because I did not want to be blown off again. He got me an appointment with his doctor to get a second opinion. He called the GI department when they canceled my appointment after waiting six weeks for it and got me scheduled the same week. He asked questions and sought answers when I was forgotten in the endoscopy department last week during my upper GI. More simply, he's done laundry, washed dishes, cooked meals, and cared for our son during times when I could not.

Some may criticize Jon for continuing his shooting during my undiagnosed illness. It's not always easy but I support it. There have been times when I wished he wouldn't have gone to a match because I'm not feeling well but I've gotten through it. His trip to IDPA Nationals is a perfect example but I made a promise to him when I got sick that I would do everything in my power to hold down the fort so he could go to Nationals. Granted, neither one of us would have ever imagined that I would have had complications with my upper GI that resulted in my getting over-dosed with nasty drugs that left me sick and out of it for several days. I managed at this end and Jon came home with a 4th place plaque in his division on his end. Aside from being so proud of his accomplishments on the shooting front, he has made some great friends through shooting. Friends that "tell it like it is" but also know when to back off when Jon tells them our family is struggling with my illness.

Jon received some news yesterday that was like a kick in my hurt side. He had an ultrasound of his liver last week and the test found a 2 inch by 2 inch area that requires further testing. He will get a contrast CT scan and a liver biopsy soon. Jon was told a week or so ago that his cholesterol is way too high and that he needs to see a nutritionist. I couldn't control that he and his friend James ate bacon and eggs every day while they were away but now that Jon's home, I am going to do everything I can to try and reduce the fat and cholesterol in our home.

I need Jon not just for all of the things I described earlier but because I love him. I may not always show it but I don't know what I would do without him in my life. Not to mention, our son needs him. Although I've always been more of a "tomboy", I'm not able to be the father figure that our son needs. I can't answer Jon's questions about his "pee pee" because I don't have one! Real men don't grab their Mom's satin night shirt and wear it around the house.

My friend Sarah reminded me that I have friends. She reminded me that I have her cell # programmed in my cell phone not just to have an long address book. I have i there so I can use it. I have Deacon Tony's phone number in there for the same reason; so I can use it. My friends know that when Jon is gone that I have no family that I can turn to with my parents in ill health. My friends won't know when I need them unless I call them. These friends would have taken our son Jon for a few hours or even a couple of days if I had needed to go into the hospital last week. There would not have been a itemized bill handed to me detailing what I owed nor would I have had to pack sacks and sacks of food for Jonnie to eat while at their house.

I hope my Knight in Shorts & a Shootin' Vest is around for a very long time. However, if he's away shooting IDPA, I know that I can call upon my friends for help. I just need to put pride aside and make the call.

Out of It

I went in on Tuesday for what was to be a routine upper GI endoscopy. After I had been forgotten back in the endoscopy unit, rushed through prep, I was wheeled into the procedure room. The nurses were fun and we enjoyed some rock tunes on the radio in the room. The doctor came in and explained the procedure and I signed the consent form. That was where the routine-ness ended. My IV came out because my vein collapsed. The nurse doing my IV commented that my veins were difficult and we determined it was dehydration from not being allowed to have anything to eat or drink since before midnight. Finally, they found a home for my IV and the procedure took place and nothing was found. It took 3 tries before the IV would stick. Each time an IV was placed, I got a little more of the relaxing and sedative drugs. I got the "full monty" of drugs once the IV stuck. My recovery time was only 15 minutes instead of 2 hours. Between being forgotten about and my IV complications, we were behind and we had to leave the hospital to pick our son up from school. I knew nothing of what happened and my husband had to tell me what went on. I came out of it a bit on Tuesday but was so horribly ill that I could not keep down food or fluids. I was way out of it on Wednesday and could not drive to work. Jon got our son to school before he left on his trip. I was able to pick our son up from school and take him to "God School" aka PSR that night. I woke up feeling sick on Thursday but forced myself into work but only stayed part of the day. I went home and slept before picking my son up from school. On Friday, I was still very ill and took Jon to school, returned home and slept. Meanwhile, I drank as much water as I could to try and flush the sedative and relaxants from my system. Today is the first day that I have felt "normal". The only caveat is that my side pain has returned with a vengence but I'll take that over feeling and looking like my eyes were going to pop out of my head.

I talked on the phone with my husband quite a bit. I was really down yesterday afternoon and scared. He wanted me to call the hospital to see what I should do. I refused to make the call for fear that they would want to admit me to the hospital and that my son would be taken away by Children's Services. I did not want to lose my son and the fear I felt must have kicked in adrenaline to help me get better.

Jon and I love the life we have here in Plain City. Although my son has made no friends in the neighborhood because the neighbors won't let their kids play with him after my stint on the homeowner's association, we are hoping to get him into the school system next year here in town. Jon has lots of friends through the Knights and through shooting. I made some friends when we first moved here but since I am always working and taking care of Jonnie while Jon shoots, these friends have moved on to people who will spend time with them. I can't say that I blame them. The thing that bugs me most about living in Plain City is that we have no family. My parents are the closest and their health keeps them at home with their only trips being within Ashland. The majority of my in-laws live in the Salem area near Akron and will not come see us because of gas prices. My mother-in-law is in Kansas and recently had surgery. If we had family that we could turn to, someone could have taken care of Jonnie (even overnight if needed), and I could have called the hospital even if I had meant being admitted. Instead, I felt trapped and did not make the call for fear that my son would have been taken by Children's services because I am the only person he has until my husband gets home from his shooting trip.

God must have been looking out for me because I am feeling normal despite the side pain.