No news isn't always good news

It's been a week since I was in the emergency room and the doctors are no closer to figuring out what caused me to bleed last week. I continue to have abdominal pain on my left side which comes and goes in severity. I still have a low grade fever and I get tired very easily and quickly. It's frustrating not knowing what is wrong because I'd like to be treated and get over this mess.

I saw my doctor on Friday who took more blood and more urine. Neither yielded anything. I was given a test kit so that I could collect stool samples to drop off on Monday. Yuck - I have a new appreciation for nurses and techs who generally administer tests and work with the collections to obtain results. So far, no word back on the test kit. Next week, I have to have a colonoscopy. I was supposed to go out of town with my family for a reunion on my husband's side. However, I moved my vacation days to later next week on each side of the colonoscopy because the last time I had one, I was sick for three days straight and miserable. I figured that I would just plan for the time off instead of calling in sick. Since my husband hates to leave his Dad's house to come home, I knew that I could not make the trip and get home at 11 PM, unpack, and turn around and get up at 5 AM the next morning so I had to opt out of the trip. My husband will be out shooting with his brother all day on Sunday and my father-in-law is nice enough to watch our son since I cannot be there to take care of Jonnie while Jon goes out shooting.

Since I will have the weekend to myself, I am going to try and keep busy but no so busy that I collapse like I did yesterday when I pushed myself to get my chores done. Our church is having first Saturday mass along with confession. I am thinking about going to that and making sure I confess. Since death is in the back of my mind, I figure I should confess so if I do die, it will be with a cleansed conscience! There is a car show in town with our Knights of Columbus serving fish sandwiches. I may go look around at the cars and get some lunch. Depending on how I feel, I may consider mass at 4:30 on Saturday but can always go Sunday at the usual 8:30 time.

To help generate some "good vibes", my friend Sarah and I are praying the Divine Mercy Novena. We started yesterday and our nine days will complete on August 4th. I can't speak for Sarah but my prayer of the Novena is loosely based on the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I am lifting myself up in prayer to Saints Timothy and Titus who are the patron saints of stomach ailments. The stomach is close to the intestines so it seemed to make sense.

I need to run. My husband had to go to a Knights event tonight with some other men from the church. Jonnie had a sitter for an hour and half so that I could go to church for Adoration. Jonnie wants to play and I'm longing to go to bed!

Community of Faith where you least expect it

I had the opportunity last night to witness a community of faith form somewhere that I least expected it and that was at the OSU Medical Center Emergency Room waiting area.

When I got up and headed to work yesterday, the last place I expected to be spending my evening was at the OSU ER. What I thought was a normal case of diarrhea turned out to be less than normal by early afternoon. I had to visit the bathroom with increased frequency to the point where I alternated between ladies rooms so than no one became suspicious of the time I was spending on the can. It was not the frequency but the change from passing bowel to passing blood that freaked me out to the point where I went to the ER. Jon couldn't get off work early so I muddled through the rest of the day at work and went to pick Jon up. I moved over to the passenger's seat and asked Jon to drop me off at the ER.

Jon dropped me off and headed off to pick up Jonnie from school. I checked in, was triaged, and registered. I was told by the triage nurse that it could be several hours because they were very busy. I called Jon and asked that he and Jonnie go home to have dinner and that I'd keep them updated. When I talked to Jon at 8 PM, I was still waiting and it had been three hours. He said that he and Jonnie were leaving the house at 8:30 to join me at the ER.

I had a book to read but I was getting lightheaded from the loss of blood, lack of food, and lack of water so I didn't read too much after the first couple hours of being there. However, there were many of us sitting and waiting. I talked with a woman who had been waiting since 11 AM; I began to feel like I was doomed. I could not help overhearing her conversation with the front desk and it seems like she had been directed the wrong area of the hospital. There was an elderly couple who had come in about an hour after me. The woman was in a wheelchair wearing a fuzzy robe and slippers to stay warm while I was sweating in a short sleeve top and capri pants. I noticed her legs were wrapped. I don't know the situation and did not ask although I did chat with she and her husband frequently during the time there. A group of three black women came in and the one young woman looked really bad but I have not idea what was wrong. The waiting area had started to clear out by this point. Within an hour, a group of family and friends had come to join them while the young woman waited to be seen.

When Jon and Jonnie showed up, we moved to the waiting area on the other side of the entrance so that we could sit together. This area was larger and I could see where smaller communities formed of people talking with one another and offering support. At 11 PM, the elderly couple was finally called to see a doctor. Everyone cheered and clapped. The flipside is after waiting all that time, it only took 20-30 minutes for the doctor to decide the woman needed to be admitted. Her husband was irritated as he suspected that would be the case all along. He wished me luck and hoped that I would be seen soon.

Maybe "community of faith" is the wrong term to use here but it's the only thing I could think of. No one was reciting scripture or openly praying but would could tell the spirit was at work. The hush that come over the whole waiting area when a paranoid schizophrenic young man tried to flee and had to be tackled by 5 cops was rather eerie. My son asked me what was wrong and I told him that the man was really upset.

At 11:30 PM, my husband went to the front desk and expressed his concern over my 7 hour+ wait as I lost blood every time I used the bathroom. I was in luck that a bed had freed up and a triage nurse took my vitals again. The nurse said that she had only been on shift for a half hour but took notes of issues she saw which she was going to be presenting to her boss. She was very concerned about the long waits that lead to cheering and clapping when someone finally could see a doctor.

We were shuttled back to an ER room and I changed into a fine hospital gown. Within a half hour, it was determined that I should have a CT scan to check for abdominal injury and/or inflammation. I was given barium shakes to drink over the next two hours. I told Jon and Jonnie to go home and get some sleep and the nurse encouraged them to do the same. It was going to be three hours before I had the CT scan and then time for the results to be read. I quickly became a human voodoo doll as the nurses took blood twice for blood work, hooked me up with an IV, and gave me a small dose of morphine. I had the CT scan at 2 AM and ended up taking a snooze when the doctor came in and told me that the CT scan showed no abdominal problems. The only explanation that could be offered for my bleeding was that since the diarrhea increased in frequency that my intestinal lining became irritated with all of the traffic and that's why I was bleeding. By 3:30 AM I was discharged.

Jon gathered up a sleeping Jonnie and put him in the car and tried to pull himself together to come pick me up in the pouring rain. At 5 AM, about 12 hours after my ER journey started, I was finally home and eager to brush my teeth and climb into bed.

I have a follow-up visit with my doctor on Friday per the direction of the ER doctor. The discharge paperwork indicates although nothing was found at the time of my visit that there are some abdominal issues that can start out slowly so I should work with my doctor to make sure this was a one time thing or the start of something else.

Although it was amazing to see how people pulled together for one another while waiting in the ER, I hope not to have the experience again!

Recent Reading

My friend Sarah (you can find a link to her blog on the right side of my blog page) regular posts what she has been reading. I thought I'd follow in her footsteps and share with you what I've been reading the past few months.

Any Friend of God's is a Friend of Mine by Patrick Madrid - Although the book is quite brief it took me forever to read because I found it boring. I would regularly dig around the Adoration counter at church to find something else to read to put off reading this book. Madrid's book was meant to explain Catholic doctrine with regard to the Communion of Saints. I like Madrid but didn't get into this book.

Tapestry of Life Book 2 - Devotions for the Unique Woman by Nancy Corbett Cole - I really enjoyed this book which was a Christmas gift from my father-in-law and his girlfriend. It provided an insightful and inspirational way to look at everyday life, especially the bumps in the road.

Parenting with Grace - Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising almost Perfect Kids by Gregory and Lisa Popcak - I really enjoyed the book which broke down parenting advice by stages of life starting with infancy going through teen age years. Unfortunately, I do not feel I have done a good job of putting the advice to practice.

A Civilization of Love - What Every Catholic Can Do to Transform the World by Carl Anderson - Okay, so I bought this book because I'm very familiar with Carl Anderson who is the Supreme Knight of the Knights of Columbus. I feel like I personally got to know Carl Anderson by reading this book and was amazed at how important he really is (how many people had the honor of dining with the late Pope John Paul). Anderson ended each chapter with thoughts of how we could help make the world a more loving culture. Most of his thoughts were things that you and I should be doing already and left me saying "Duh, why aren't I doing that?".

Through Prayers of Poetry Spiritual Reflections by Jim Severance - This is one of those books I flipped through at the Adoration counter while avoiding the book by Patrick Madrid that I did not enjoy. Severance is a parishoner at St.Joe's so I had all the more reason to buy the book. My friend Pat and I are going to explore the book together by focusing on one poem per week and reflecting up on it during our weekly meeting.

Spontaneous Healing by Andrew Weil, MD - A great book about how people afflicted with illness and injury put mind over matter to overcome afflictions where doctors had told them there was no hope. Aside from the stories, Weil explained how we can make changes in our lives to help prevent diseases, cancers, etc. This book inspired me to make changes in my life that have not always been easy such as eating veggie burgers and veggie sausage patties instead of the real meat versions. The most dramatic change for me has been switching from coffee to green tea as the beverage I used to start my day. I will occasionally enjoy a cup of coffee which is a huge change from the 8 cups a day I used to ingest. I have started walking again. Part of what fueled me to pick up this book at the library and check it out is I feel like I'm watching my parents die and I want do everything I can to live as long as possible and have a good quality of life.

Natural Health, Natural Medicine by Andrew Weil, MD - I am currently reading this book that I checked out from the library last week. This is what Weil calls "the complete guide to wellness and self-care for optimum health". It is going into more depth than the previous book I read by Weil. I'm learning more about supplements and I'm trying to gradually work in the use of St. John's Wort which is a natural anti-depressant so that I can eliminate the need for my Citalopram prescription. I started this past week with taking St. John's Wort on Friday and Saturday nights instead of my Citalopram. My husband has his doubts and thinks I will fail. I did have a blow up this morning after church but I think that is more related to the fact that I have not been able to get a full night's sleep for the past week. It's been a bad on-call period for my husband with his cell phone and the house phone ringing at all hours. I am enjoying this book so much that I have trouble putting it down!

That's it; that's what I've been reading. I also have a large print daily Bible that I've been trying to reach since I got it in March. This has been coming along slowly. I've started using the library for books because my book shelves are full and I am the kind of person who reads a book only once. I may try to sell some of the books I read to help pay for gas!

Have a blessed week!

Time with the other part of my "sandwich"

With aging parents who need care and a young son who needs me, I'm classified as part of the sandwich generation. After spending several days with my parents and taking care of some business over the phone related to my Dad, I could now turn my attention to the other half of the sandwich which is my son.

During the work week, our nightly routine is that we watch "Blues Clues" together at 9:30 PM on Noggin. It's hard to believe but I actually missed this routine while I was gone!

While Daddy was away shooting cardboard bad guys yesterday, Jonnie and I had the day together. He did a great job of getting himself dressed but his standing outside the shower asking me "are you done yet?" was a bit annoying. We watched TV, we played with die casts from the "Cars" movie and I got the rusty ones, Mater and Fred. I tried to build him a new train track but failed. He said Daddy would fix it when he got home and he did. Jonnie wanted to check in my tomato plant; I'd already plucked 4 little "sweet 100" tomatoes before he came out to look. I'm not sure why he's obsessed with the tomato plant because he told me the tomatoes were gross. He learned that thistles are prickly and why we pull them out and throw them away.

Jonnie actually took a short nap late in the evening. He was done with me around 9 when I checked in with him before I wandered off to bed; he told me to go away because he was still trying to sleep. A storm woke me up around midnight and I found Jonnie in his room wide awake watching TV. He later moved to PapPap's room because he said his bed was too hard. *shrugs*

Well, I need to run. I have to be at church in an hour which is 7:45 AM because I am helping Gloria set up for our coffee social after mass today.

Have a great Sunday!

Conflicted

I'm feeling quite conflicted right now. I can't decide if I did the right thing or the wrong thing.

I wrote previously that I contacted my Dad's neurologist. I spoke with Dr. Tan on the phone today. It's no surprise that he wants to see my Dad since he has not seen him for almost a year. He also wants my Dad to have another MRI to check the water pocket in his brain. With my Dad's moods and behaviors there was brief mention of possible anti-psychotic drugs (yikes)! If that weren't scary enough, it looks like it's time for a neurosurgeon to become involved to review my Dad's MRI results for possible brain surgery to implant a shunt.

I poured my heart out once I picked my husband up from work until we reached the daycare center. Jon's the guy of guy who "tells it like it is" which, frankly, sometimes really stinks when it's not what you want to hear. He thinks that my family is going to fall like a row of dominoes starting with my 96 year old Grandma, then my Dad, and then my Mom. There is a chance that could happen but it's not what I wanted to hear. I was almost in tears when I agreed that is a possibility but that I didn't want to accept it because I'd lose most of my family. I'd still have Jon and Jonnie whom I love dearly but since my parents have greatly reduced what little travel they do, I've pretty much had them and they've pretty much had me with Grandma thrown in here and there. I'm pretty much the forgotten one in the Woodruff clan except for when I place calls to my aunts and uncles when my Mom or Dad are hospitalized. With my Mom's health decline, I ended up getting in touch with my cousin Nyleen whom I have not seen since 1977. She's the only cousin who keeps in touch with my Mom; the others stopped calling when Mom wouldn't give out money because she knew it would be wasted on drugs and alcohol.

I called my Mom after we got home from work and gave her the scoop. She wasn't surprised by anything I told her and she is going to work to try and get appointments set up for my Dad. I told her that I would do what I could to try and come up for the appointments. She told me I didn't need to do that but I told her that I want to try because I'm the one who helped get her into this mess. I also know that with Dad's attitude that he's going to lash out at my Mom. She doesn't need anymore bruises. I'm at the point where if Dad wants to lash out, I want him to lash out at me. I'll even challenge him, quoting Pat Benetar, "Hit me with your best shot". He'll either take his best shot or break down in tears.

I'd like to think that I did the right thing by talking with Dr. Tan. He really wants to consider putting in the shunt for the water pocket because he thinks it will improve Dad's quality of life. My Dad is only 73 and Dr. Tan figures he still has a few years let. I told the doctor that my Grandma is 96 so if Dad follows the lead of his parents, he's got a good 20 years left.

I've been in a bit of a funk tonight because I can't shake the thought of eventually having neither one of my parents. Who would I call if I get a promotion at work? Nobody. Who would I call if I'm upset and need an ear to bend. I'd have nobody. Who would send me a card on my birthday? Okay, so my mother-in-law does and sometimes Aunt Mar a few months late. Who would remember us on our anniversary? Nobody; my parents are the only ones who send us an anniversary card. I probably sound petty but these are little things that have always meant a lot to me.

I know that I'm wallowing in self-pity right now and I need to get out of the funk. Jon was too busy with Knights stuff so I didn't even try and talk to him again. Tomorrow he goes shooting and Friday I need to go to the grocery after I we have dinner. Saturday it's shooting again. I just need to suck it up and move on because I've got my son for the the next several days!!

I'd like to "give it over to God" but I'm so conflicted that I don't know what to say. I should find comfort in knowing when Grandma Woodruff, Mom, and Dad are gone there is always God. When Jon is off shooting, there is always God. When Jonnie grows up and moves away, there is always God. If I look at it that way, I realize that I will never really be alone.

Short vacation and now back at work

I can't believe how time flies between my posts. I am so jealous that my friend Sarah seems to find time to post daily. You will find a link to her blog on the right side of the page; it's always a good read!

I took a few vacation days from work but I didn't "vacation". I went to see my parents. There were numerous projects that I wanted to tackle but "project ivy" proved to be much larger than expected. I left Ashland on Thursday (24 hours early)in a light rain feeling defeated because I did not feel I accomplished anything. If you speak to my Mom, she has me on a pedestal thinking I did great work. It's hard to believe that filling 11 brown yard waste bags left me feeling disappointed but you didn't see the yard! I did use some bricks that I dug up a couple of years ago to help border a couple of flower beds which should make Thor, the lawn mowing guy, happy. The English Ivy tangled with honeysuckle that intertwined with an unknown bush on a rocky incline got the better of me. I cut most of the bush down but need a chain saw to tackle the rest. The weed killer my Mom bought was a dud because it barely turned leaves yellow let alone kill anything! I remembered while talking to my Mom on the phone today that my father-in-law used bleach to kill poison ivy so I told Mom to give it a try on the pesky weeds and ivy.

I did get to see my grandma who is 96. She looked great and was quite friendly although she was not on the same planet as the rest of us.

My Mom just graduated from cardiac rehab on Monday. She is very glad that I pushed her to enroll in the program because it helped her to feel better. She hopes to keep up with the exercise using the bike and treadmill at home and some light hand weights I bought her. I wish I could say my Dad is doing well but he's declining. He complains that no one lets him do anything but when he's done more strenuous things like mowing the front yard, he has ended up in the hospital. Mom has tried to encourage him to do other things but he just sits and does cross words. I began to wonder if his butt was superglued to the chair come Tuesday because he barely moved. The Dad I used to know never went a day without shaving. The Dad I saw during my last visit went three days without even a sponge bath, shaving, or changing clothes. The funny thing is that three days of stubble for my Dad is a half day's growth for my husband when he shaves that morning! Mom told me that if Dad showers once a month that it's a miracle (ewww from she who showers daily). Dad wet himself when I was there and he blamed me for hogging the bathroom although there were 2 other toilets he could have used. Mom told me it was not my fault that my Dad has been having accidents even when the bathroom is open. My Dad who used to walk tall can hardly walk a straight line. A few years ago, I went to an appointment with Mom and Dad to see the neurologist. My Dad has a water pocket in his brain but the doctor was not concerned at the time because Dad was able to walk straight and still controlled his bodily functions. Now that Dad is having problems with these things, it raised a big red flag for me. I don't even want to talk about my Dad's mood swings!

On Monday, I did something that maybe I should not have done and that was that I emailed my Dad's neurologist. I told him what I observed and what my Mom told me. I referenced the visit to his office three years ago when we discussed the water pocket in my Dad's brain. I thought about it later and thought that he'll never contact me because of HIPPA rules. Imagine my surprise when we got home today and there was a message from the doctor on the machine. Of course, it was too late to call him back but I plan to call him tomorrow. I did call my Mom and I told her what I did. At first, I thought she was upset but when I told her that I felt another voice needed to speak up about Dad's condition, she was grateful. The caveat is that I'm sure the doctor is going to want to see my Dad. His last appointment was canceled due to my Mom's health issues. My Dad sees the family doctor, the neurologist as well as different doctors working in the ER when he has his seizures. It appears to me that no one is on the same page. Meanwhile, the Dad I knew growing up is quickly becoming history. How does one go from being "Daddy's Girl" to being near petrified of being around her father? Fortunately or unfortunately, my Dad was civil toward me but he's so mean to my Mom.

Perhaps my prayers at Adoration last night were indirectly answered by Dr. Tan calling to speak with me. I am eager to speak with him although I have no idea what he can do when Dad doesn't want to see the man. Aside from Dad's moods he's prejudice because Dr. Tan is oriental (sorry to be generic but I'm not sure what country he's from). Dad is not politically correct and doesn't understand the whole movement at all. At one time, he was proud of my accomplishments but still felt that I should be "in the home" instead of the one earning the bulk of the wages to support the family. Just because his Mom did that and my Mom did that doesn't mean it is right for me!

I feel like I'm beginning to babble so I should probably wrap this up. Our next planned trip to see Mom & Dad is on August 1st. I need Jon to install vinyl lattice work to replace the wooden lattice that is almost as old as me. It was one of those things that I did not get to because I did not have a vehicle that could carry a sheet of lattice plus I probably wouldn't installed it right to begin with!

I did get back in time to spend the holiday weekend with my guys. We went to the fireworks here in town which ended up being a good time. I planted hostas in my shade garden; my Mom was beginning me to take hostas away which I did. I took some and shared some with a couple of Jon's co-workers. I'm still recovering from the numerous bug bites I got in working all of the gardens last week. It was good to have the time off for a change of pace but it was nice to come back home and work my way back into the routine.

Blessings to everyone for a wonderful week!