Sister Jodi - we'll never know

Aside from the physical aspect of walking early in the morning, I enjoy the peace and quiet with the only sound being the chirping birds and a rare car passing by. This is a time when I find myself thinking about numerous things. This morning I was thinking about if I'd found the Catholic Faith as a young girl, if I might have been a nun.

The truth is that I'll never know the answer to that question. As a child my Mom shared many stories of the nuns she had in Catholic boarding school. Some where funny and others were scary. I think it's safe to say that the "Sister Sophie Pinch" would not be tolerated in today's educational system despite the fact that it might do some good!! In high school, we had a Halloween Party for Spanish club and I wanted to be a nun. My Mom made me a very nice habit. In high school, it was the rage for girls style their hair with bangs that would touch the sky and hair lifted out above each ear almost where it could touch the person next to you in class. My Mom called the hair style the "Flying Nun" based on the movie where the nuns habits flared out while flying through the air.

As I thought back on these things, I felt shame. I feel that in my younger years, I made a mockery of the sisterhood. I certainly know that I never intended any harm at the time but the truth was I had clue about the sacrifices nuns make to live their lives of service to Him.

I've been reading for the past several weeks Mother Teresa's book titled "No Surrender". It has made me truly understand what nuns for us and for our God. Sisters lead lives of Christ by helping the poor, the meek, and the lonely. They live simply and humbly. How many of us would go on a trip with only one change aside from what's on our back and only 3-5 other items believing that those we are going to see would provide everything else that we would need? I could probably get away with this visiting my parents but they'd probably think I lost my mind.

Abstinence for Christ Jesus; living our lives as he intended. Living our lives not for ourselves but for others. I've found that abstinence is the easy part but living my life for someone else? That's a toughie.

I've been reading "Her Name is Woman" for the past week. The pages I read had me fired up after I read them probably because I live life for myself, not someone else. The author wrote about Rebekah and Issac and the marital problems they experienced. The author pointed back to verses in 1 Corinthians where the husband should be the leader with the woman being his servant and obeying his commands. NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! I know this is in the Bible but with the way I've been living my life, I cannot do this. When this scripture is read in mass, my husband cracks a smile because he can hear my eyes roll. Miriam is another woman I read about in "Her Name is Woman". She was viewed as "overestimating herself" or, as a woman, trying to over achieve in her work as a prophet with Aaron & Moses. She became a leper and had to be shut away for seven days. I was furious, again because of the way I've lived, that Miriam's desire to achieve was viewed badly because she was a woman.

I have to wonder if I could go back to being 6 years old again (my son will be 6 on Friday) and I had the opportunity he's had to learn about Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the vocations, would I have turned out to be a different person? Rather than being a boy-crazy teenager styling my hair to great heights and being selfish, might I have been called lead a self-less, simple life of the Sisterhood?

That, my friends, we will never know.