The Wanderer

"He's the kind of guy who likes to roam around....."

This the song that entered my head shortly after I hung up the phone after the daycare center called me today. The center director called to let me know that during today's field trip to a pumpkin farm (sorry but the name has left me) that Jon wandered off away from the group. He was accounted for on the bus but on the walk from the bus to the designated meeting place, Jon took a detour. Jon went unaccounted for until a farm employee came over with him and asked if he was part of the group. There are two center employees being suspended because of the incident. If the employees at Jon's center had signed the new "no tolerance" policy yesterday, both employees would have been terminated today.

The director assured me everything was fine and that Jon is fine but I told her that I know for me personally that it does not help with the guilt I feel because I am not able to take off work to be a parent chaperone most of the time. Jon has no time to take off so he can't go either. She understood what I was saying and apologize profusely.

Today incident took me back to a scare that we had on Saturday. We went to the rummage sale at our church activity center. The place is huge with many rooms. The back doors were open while men loaded furniture into some trucks. I still cannot explain how but my husband, father-in-law, and I all lost sight of Jonnie. Of course, I freaked out and had my cell phone out ready to call 911. A parishoner found Jonnie in the kitchen area stuffing chips in his face. At lunch time, Jonnie asked for chips but we didn't have any. Since Jonnie couldn't have what he wanted, he didn't eat very much by his own choosing. The embarrassment of losing your child for just a few minutes and then to find your child saying "I'm hungry" and stuffing his face as if you'd been starving; I can't describe it!

I'm sitting here in my office overwhelmed by guilt and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Quitting my job or reducing my hours is not an option because Jon and I each have to work 40 hour weeks to help make ends meet. The mortgage company already threw me a curve ball over the weekend with a letter saying that our payment is going up so what little budget I had to consider getting a different vehicle is now being applied to the mortgage. The daycare center director was not the director on duty for the field trip today and she did everything she is required to do by policy and law as far as contacting me. There is no complaint to file against them especially given that several days ago, the same thing happened to me when Jonnie wandered away from me. I would be a hipocrite.

The only thing to really do at this point is to learn from these mistakes and move on. I cannot change what happened at the rummage sale on Saturday. What I can do is to make sure when I take Jonnie out that he holds my hand even if it means not buying a shoe box of wine glasses at a junk sale. My son is far more important to me than wine glasses. I can make sure if I do go out with my son that I go with other friends or people who can help me so I can say "Hey, I'm going to go look at something" and do the same for my friends in return. I cannot change anything that happened during the field trip today. I am the breadwinner for the family and I have to work. If the schedule allows me to take a vacation day to be a chaperone, I will consider it but I also look at the fact that I pay a large sum of money every two weeks for my son to attend daycare. Why should I feel I need to use my vacation time to chaperone my son on a trip when I pay for people to do that while I work?

Life can be a double-edged sword. I need to get the sword out of my heart and move on!

Have to write because I can't talk!

Here I am sitting at home on my computer typing on my blog. The cold that I caught from Jonnie seems to have turned into laryingitis because it's very painful for me to talk right now. We were sharing an apple in the kitchen last night when swallowing the apple felt like swallowing a cactus. For the second night in a row, I was in bed by 9. My throat has been sore and itchy or tickly. I opted to stay home from work today to give my throat a rest. I did have to run out to the store so I bought some sore throat lozenges to help get me back to work tomorrow. Those plus hot tea with honey are about the best ideas I have to beat this right now.

The other night when watching a DVD on my computer, Jonnie pulled my copy of "Catechism of the Catholic Church" off my bookshelf. I'm not sure he read much but, then again, I haven't read it yet either! My current book is "Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety" by Judith Warner. It was recommend by the Working Mothers Network at OSU and it is a very good book. I scored my copy from amazon.com used for $2. It cost me more in shipping!

Last week when I was home with Jonnie while he was sick (yeah, the sick leave bank at work is really low now), I plotted out a casserole a week through the end of February. I even put the casseroles on my calendar and blocked out time to prepare them. I goofed on this week because I was going to make the casserole tomorrow and serve it Wednesday forgetting that Jon has a meeting. So, I'm going to make the casserole this afternoon so it can sit in the fridge overnight and be baked tomorrow. This week it's "Make Ahead Hamburger and Cheese" casserole. The whole idea behind the one casserole per week is so that we sit and eat it as a family one night and then there are leftovers for the night I have class. This saves Jon from needing to fuss with cooking a meal and it gives me something to nuke at the office for dinner. Ideally, it should be healthy, too.

Speaking of classes, my first class is on Thursday night. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. My Staples order should arrive tomorrow with my new mechanical pencils and erasers so that my portfolio is ready to go for Thursday. I've already plotted out 2 hours a week on Saturdays for "study hall" so that I can go over to the library and study.

My father-in-law is coming to visit this weekend. Jonnie is looking forward to pancakes with PapPap after church on Sunday. He and Jon are going to the men's dinner sponsored by the Women's ministry on Saturday night. Of course, we'll have our usual Nascar feuds on Sunday during the big race at Talledaga!

It's time for some more hot tea and honey so I'm signing off....take care!