Pride & Humility

My friend Sarah wrote on her blog an article about swallowing pride and accepting help. You can click on the link and read the entire posting yourself but she basically talked about how she has allowed herself to accept help from others now that she finds herself in a time of need.

I read her posting this morning and it gave me something to think about as I ate a bagel and drank some coffee. I thought about recent events in my life and how I've swallowed my pride and even experienced humility.

At work, I have no problem asking people to work on tickets or asking people to work a shift so another person can take a day off. It's my job to make sure that my operations center runs smoothly.

On a personal level, I have a real problem asking for help. I try to do so much on my own and many times I've fallen flat on my face or otherwise failed. My husband had to fix the tire on my car a couple months back after I flattened it like a pancake trying to check the tire pressure. I was instructed to never touch a tire gauge again. I sorta went against this rule earlier in the week when I stopped in and bought two new tire gauges but Jon didn't get mad at me because I only bought the gauges to put in our cars; I didn't try to use them.

Sarah's been the recipient of stressed out emails from me several times since the end of December. She's got a knack of seeing a "cry for help" even though it's not been clearly stated. She arranged for Deacon Tony to come in and sit with Jon and Jonnie last night so I did not have to miss my night class at OSU. It gave Jon and I a much needed break from each other. I can never possibly repay Deacon for what he did.

I've recently found myself in the role of caregiver. With Jonnie being the exception, I never had to take care of anyone before. When I drove to Ashland on December 28th to be with my Mom when my Dad was in the hospital, I absolutely knew it was the right thing to do but I found myself asking "Okay, I'm here; what do I do?". I gradually found that "what to do" came to me and I was able to do things or encourage things without making my Mom feel uncomfortable. I didn't do anything heroic....I suggested to Mom that we get some dinner while Dad was in surgery. I let my Mom just talk to get things off her mind. I moved Dad's car on the street a few times so it would not get ticketed. I let her do all of the driving while I was in town so she maintained a feeling of worth. I let her smoke although I longed for fresh air. We went to Sunday mass although it was weird to have the "cradle Catholic" asking "the convert" questions.

My biggest challenge as a caregiver came just recently when my husband had surgery on January 12th to repair a hernia. I think this was a big lesson in humility for both of us. Jon and I are both very independent people to the point where we maintain separate checking and credit card accounts so we each control our own finances. That seems weird for a married couple but it's worked well for us. Everything was going fine on Friday until we were in the 7th floor waiting area and a nurse came out to the waiting area. I thought she was coming to get US but she was only coming to get JON. I protested and the nurse very politely told me to "sit down and shut up". Jon comes and goes all of the time for Knights stuff, IDPA matches, errands, etc. so why was I suddenly protesting that my husband was being taken away? I can only thing it's because I thought that was going to be the last time I might see him. I sat down and tried to read but it was no use. I was tired, hungry, and worried. I went to the desk and asked what time I should be back to pick up Jon. I was told that I would get to see him shortly and I did. We laughed while Jon and the nurse sprayed Windex on Jon's left hand tugging and pulling to get his wedding ring off. The mood was light as Jon answered questions but I sat there looking at my husband with his perfect hair but wearing a hospital gown and gripper socks. We finally had to part ways prior to surgery so I ate lunch, read, arranged for a sitter, pick Jonnie up from school, check in on my parents, and even put Jonnie's hospital cart together. I went back to the hospital and after some parking hassles, finally was making my way to the building. My cell started ringing; it was Jon asking where I was. "Oh my God, he thought I was going to leave him" crossed my mind as I rushed into the hospital and found him. I wanted to cry when I saw him with his mussed hair, hospital gown, gripper socks, and tubes everywhere. Jon told me about some recovery complications and rang for the nurse to help him to the bathroom and that's when the feeling of helplessness really set in.

Helping Jon has not been as natural as helping my Mom. It's been downright awkward for both of us. "Can you put on my socks?" Jon asked me on Friday night when he was dressing to leave the hospital. I thought "you want me to do what?" but given his procedure, I knew he couldn't possibly put on his socks or his shoes at that time. I still don't quite tie Jon's shoes to his satisfaction but he's putting on his own socks. Screaming when I saw him in his birthday suit for the first time after surgery was probably not the most graceful move I've made recently. With Jon's procedure, I've taken on some of the caregiving he did for Jonnie such as putting him to bed, taking him to school, and baths. I got so sick with a headache for two days because I had so little sleep because Jonnie doesn't go to bed very early. I wimped out and slept on the couch with Jonnie sleeping in my chair the other night. Jon told me that I really need to get Jonnie back to his bed and I need to sleep in our bed. Jon and I tried something new on Tuesday night that worked pretty well. Jon wasn't tired so he hung out with Jonnie while watching TV and I went to bed by 11. Around 12:30 AM, Jon got me and had me bring Jonnie up to bed. I went back to bed, went back to sleep, and when my alarm went off at 6, I actually felt rested. I think this might be our new approach to bed time.

Even the cats are seeing change. Jon thought he'd gotten all of the cat litter situated but he had not. The cats prefer a particular brand of litter only available at one pet store chain in the area. With everything else going on, I don't want to mess with this. Jon is no longer on pain meds which means he can drive so I dropped him off at Crown to pick up his van. I was cutting through a plaza parking lot to get out to the main road when I saw a pet store. I decided I would stop in and get some litter. The store didn't have the brand of litter the cats prefer but I picked up something to mix in with their preferred brand in hopes of trasitioning them to a new brand. I also bought a healthier kind of food which I mixed in with their current stuff. I don't think Mid is too happy with me right now and thankfully Tiger is too dumb to care!

Thanks, Sarah, for sharing your story about swallowing your pride. Setting aside pride and experiencing humility are both something my family and I have dealt with for the past several weeks. We haven't always handled it gracefully but we've handled it much like you've come to welcome help from others in your time of need.